As they did last year, Cougar teamed up with 50 bloggers to try out some of their new styles.  Last year, I reviewed a pair of red rain boots that I didn’t really love.  I never did update my post about those boots, but Cougar was nice enough to send me a different pair – Regal rain boots (which are still for sale this year!)

Cougar Rain Boots in Regal (stock photo)

I’ve been wearing them a LOT – rain boots are a HEAVEN SEND for city dwellers.  They were especially useful during those crazy spring slush/hail/rain storms in Montreal, but I’ve worn them around in Toronto as well.  The only downside to them were that they were incredibly heavy.  My pace was considerably slower in those boots, and after about 5 minutes, my ankles and lower shins would hurt from having to support the weight of the heavy rubber soles.

So when Cougar contacted me again this year, I was skeptical – one pair of heavy boots is enough for me – but intrigued by their new styles.  Cougar prides themselves on creating boots that keep your feet dry and warm, but don’t compromise on style.

Portico Brown (stock photo)

This year I opted for the Portico boots in brown. [Random tidbit: Portico refers to "a structure consisting of a roof supported by columns at regular intervals, typically attached as a porch to a building."]

They seemed like a good combo between the warmth I need during the fall and the protection I need in the winter.  They’re suitable in the rain, but not strictly rain boots.

When they arrived, I was pleasantly surprised! The construction of the boots was impressive (unlike the red boots from last year!) and I liked that despite having a similar rubber sole to the Regal rain boots, the Portico boots were much lighter weight and less of a burden on my wimpy ankles.

The outer material of the Portico model are suede for the upper body and “montana” leather (I have no clue that means) for the foot.  The stock image from the company site makes it seem like the leather foot is a much lighter shade than the suede, but in real life, that’s not the case.  They are comparable in shade – it’s simply the texture difference between suede and leather that reflects light differently, so the leather foot area may seem lighter.

But the materials aren’t the only things that reassure me that these are quality made boots.  If you can see, the boots are laced up, which means that in slushy or snowy weather, moisture and precipitation can easily seep into the boot.  HOWEVER — the boot tongue is actually stitched into place in order to keep your feet dry!

However, my sister (who always complains about how her muscular legs can never squeeze into boots) did mention that because of the stitched in tongue, she wasn’t able to loosen the laces enough to allow for her leg + jeans fit comfortably into the boot.  [On the other hand, she did mention that she thought she "looked cute in them." (her observations, not mine!)]

I have the opposite problem: boots are sometimes too loose around my calves, but the laces on the Portico model do help tighten the boots up.  [NOTE: The laces are more aesthetic than functional -  a zipper that runs from the ankle all the way to the top is the primary way to take the boots on/off.]

The only real problem I encountered with the boots are that the stiff suede material is not very forgiving when it becomes bent (i.e. at the ankle).

A pain in the (foot's) neck.

The creases created around the ankle by the simple act of walking cut into my feet, even through my socks, and I have a scab on each ankle from the abrasions.  I know that this is a common problem when breaking in new shoes, but I’ve never had this problem with my other leather boots – this was definitely a case of the stiff material not being pliable enough.

Another issue of note, is that these may keep your feet warm, but they have a tendency to overheat, almost to the point of discomfort.  I recommend carrying a pair of flats in your handbag if you are going to be in a heated building all day.

Verdict: I am definitely going to be reaching for these boots often this season.  Their neutral colour, functionality, comfort, and style make them a practical choice.  The Portico model retails for around $250 CAD and can be purchased at retailers across Canada.

Bill Cunningham knows what makes him excited about fashion: the clothes.

There’s a scene in the film where Bill is outside of a fashion show in Paris, waiting to get in.  He’s patiently holding out his press pass to the “guardians” of the show (surely, a producer of some sort), and he is not getting the time of day from her.  Suddenly, a figure emerges out of the frame, at once ushering in Bill and reprimanding this producer saying, “Please, he’s the most important person in the world.”

The most important person in the world doesn’t believe he’s all that important.  He lives an incredibly modest life and has no flair for the extravagant. “I like very simple, down-to-earth, very basic things,” he explains.  In New York, his only mode of transportation is his Schwinn, he repairs his ponchos with duct tape, and wears a blue street cleaner’s smock whenever he’s shooting.  He admonishes wasteful behaviour and refuses to be owned by anyone. “Money’s the cheapest thing. Liberty, freedom – that’s the most expensive.”

It’s this jarring juxtaposition between such a humble and modest man and the subject(s) that he photographs.  One may wonder why he is so in love with fashion when his ethics seem to go against everything fashion stands for.

There’s a beautiful moment in the film when Bill is accepting the title of an Officer of the Order of Arts and Letters from the National Order of the Legion of Honour of France (which he seems quite skeptical of).  In the last moment of his speech, his voice breaks as he explains, “It’s as true today as it ever was: He who seeks beauty will find it.”

Bill clearly finds beauty in individuality, evidenced by some of his favourite subjects to photograph: Anna Piaggi, Patrick McDonald, Iris Apfel…  But what I find so incredibly endearing and lovely, and of course – beautiful about Bill is himself.

He talks about how hard it is to be “honest and straight in New York,” but that he’s always trying to be so.  He won’t even accept a glass of water at high-profile events, because he wants to maintain his integrity and the integrity of the Times.  For him, objectivity is too important to be schmoozing with the socialites who all want their photographs taken by him (he scoffs at the photographers flocking to capture Catherine Deneuve – she wasn’t even wearing anything interesting!) He loves the $4 coffee and breakfast sandwich combo (“The cheaper the better!” he exclaims) and refuses to publish anything that would put anybody in a negative light.

He’s enigmatic without trying – he’s just not like the rest of us, so he just seems hard to understand.  But the strange thing is that he’s so simple, and that’s why we don’t get him.

After revealing that he attends church every Sunday, the filmmakers ask him, “Is religion an important component of your life?” Bill looks down, clearly holding back tears. When he finally does look up, he says, “I think it’s a good guidance in your life. Yeah, it’s something I need and… Whatever it is, everyone… you do whatever you do the best you can to work things out.  I find it very important, for whatever reason, I don’t know!” My heart is breaking at this moment, because as such as simple man, he seems to have such a heavy heart. I want to know what kinds of regrets he has.  Suddenly he breaks into a laugh and says, “As a kid, I went to church and all I did was look at women’s hats!”  For a moment, there’s a sense of relief, but he drops his voice again. “Later, when you mature – for different reasons.”

Whatever these reasons may be, I’m in love with this man who cups his hands around his ears to hear better and fearlessly navigates New York’s streets without a helmet.  He’s the antithesis of the often contrived fashion world but he never judges it.  He’s incredibly giving yet doesn’t seek much acknowledgment.

The President of the French Federation of Couture, talking about Bill getting the honour of being an Officer of the Order of Arts and Letters, puts it best, “Very deeply, I think, he doesn’t believe he deserves it.  That’s why he deserves it, even more.”

And it’s true. It has been a crazy few weeks.  As I settle into my new life, I am adjusting, growing, and learning, A LOT.  About my re-adopted city. My (God-given) abilities. My tolerances. My faith. My passions.  And in reflection, I’m in awe of how much one can grow in such a short amount of time.  I am constantly evolving, and for that, I am grateful.

Some things I’ve learned:

1) I am stronger than I thought I was.

This is a purely physical “stronger” that I refer to. After the first time going back to the gym since mid-July, I was downtrodden at how poorly I fared.  However, my body quickly adapted (like, by the second visit, I was way more capable) and I am getting stronger every day.  My goal is to be able to complete 10 full-body push-ups on the Bosu ball by the end of September (but I’m thinking I may have to extend my deadline!)

2) I cannot handle arrogance & stupidity.

I don’t say this in that I look down on people who I think make silly decisions (i.e. I don’t mean “stupid” as in level of academic excellence).  This is me admitting that I am weak in character, so I know that in order to keep out nasty thoughts and ugly feelings within me, I have to stay away from people who frustrate me with their arrogance and poor choices.  I learned this as soon as I put 2 & 2 together as to why a certain set of new people I was meeting (and I am meeting a loooot of new people!), I was immediately turned off by them – they were so arrogant.  Perhaps “arrogance” & “stupidity” go hand in hand, because most times, arrogant people think they are just being confident.  No – confident people know that humility gains more favour in the long run (because, THEY’RE SMART!)

3) I have a passion for helping those who are marginalized.

As soon as I moved back to Toronto, I knew that I would have to get involved in some sort of organization to help relieve the suffering and pain of homelessness, elderly abuse, victimized women, racialized groups, etc.  This is because these problems are very pronounced in Toronto (more so than in Montreal). I have looked into groups and I am ready to be proactive.

4) I think I just may choose broadcasting as a professional stream.

I really don’t have much to add to that. I’m investigating.

5) I’m in for an incredibly tough year.

Academically, spiritually, financially, and socially, it’s going to be tough. I can only be grateful for the challenge ahead of me, though.  Who knows?  Maybe by the new year I’ll have grown even more.

I can’t wait.

I realize that the message is cryptic and it may come across as somewhat sad, but I really wrote it as an affirmation of my faith – knowing that my perspective is small and self-centred as opposed to a divine perspective in which all I need to do is trust.  I don’t think that anyone in a state of upset or borderline depression would be able to declare this kind of realization, because instead of blaming God, I see it as a comforting thing to know that all my stress about this certain situation is not really necessary.  When you put things into God’s hands, you are putting your life into the hands of your own Creator.  How can God not know what is best for the one He created?  We don’t do this often enough, because our society worships control.

So what is this “situation”?

As some of you may know, I have been accepted into a Master’s of Journalism (MJ) program back in my hometown.  Currently, I am in Montreal (Concordia U), completing a Master’s of Arts in Film Studies.  Throughout the 4-month summer, I have been in contact with both schools’ administrative parties, because I foresaw that I would not be able to complete my thesis on time for a Fall graduation from Concordia – a condition that my acceptance into the MJ program was based on.

I heard many different answers to my situation from so many different offices, but the consistent answer I kept receiving from the admissions office for MJ was that all was well, as long as I submitted a letter from Concordia explaining my situation and that my degree from Concordia would simply be delayed by one semester.  This made sense to me – I was accepted based on my BA grades (from U of T), and I wouldn’t even need to be in Montreal while I waited for Concordia to process and approve my thesis.  So, I could just go on beginning my MJ program in September as normal.  The admissions office is the one that matriculates me, so their answer meant the most to me.

I followed their instructions, got a letter from Concordia, and sent it off.

A couple days ago, I received a call from the MJ admissions office, and their first line to me after their salutation was a brisk and panicked:

“Jenny, we’re going to have to retract our offer of acceptance.”

(P.S. RUDE way to begin a phone conversation! Geez.)

After a small internal freak out and fighting back tears of panic, I reasoned with the admissions personnel on the other end of the line, basically telling them that they told me that everything was fine – FOR MONTHS!  In short, after reading the letter that was sent to them, they just realized that waiting for my thesis to be processed by Concordia really meant that I would still officially be “in the books” at Concordia.  Well…DUH.

What I didn’t understand was that this was the same thing I was telling them over and over the past summer, that I wouldn’t be registered as a full time MA student, but I would have a Continuing in Program (CIP) notation, which the Concordia website describes is not a registered academic notation, but simply a holding notation.  However, this still means (in the MJ program’s eyes) that I am enrolled at a different Canadian school, which is not allowed across all Canadian institutions, due to our public education system.

What frustrates me to no end is that the MJ program didn’t offer any type of solution, they just said:

“Drop out of Concordia and come study with us, or stay at Concordia and we’ll just delete you from our memory.”

No offers of trying to work with Concordia to sort this out so that I could complete both degrees (such is the difference between the attitudes in Toronto v. Montreal).  They literally (not figuratively!) said to me,

“We don’t care about your grades form Concordia. We wouldn’t even be having this conversation if you weren’t in the books at Concordia.”

Basically, they wouldn’t have even cared if I didn’t graduate from Concordia (i.e. they placed a bogus condition on my condition-based acceptance).

In reality, both schools would have been none-the-wiser had I not ventured out to find out more information about my situation.  They would have blindly matriculated me if that letter hadn’t been sent (I believe).  I say this only because they were so affirmative about everything, saying that they understood and that all was dandy, until they read the letter.  Of course, I’m not in the business of deceiving people, that’s why I went about trying to do everything the “right” way.

Thankfully, the MJ admin people have demonstrated that they do not want to just remove me from their incoming class, and my status at the moment is just unknown.  The admin office is just waiting for their manager to return from vacation so that they can consult with them and see what they can do for me. Thus, I won’t know ANYTHING until the end of August: 2 weeks before term begins.

My options are very limited right now.  I am not getting student loans unless I register at MJ (because that’s how OSAP works), and not just myself, but my family needs the money for various family things (i.e. condo!)  So, I can’t even fund myself to stay in Montreal (thus ruling out that option).  Also, my lease for my lovely apartment is over in a few weeks, so either way, I have to move out.  Besides, my career goal is journalism, and as my amazing thesis advisor told me today, it’s better to put my film degree on hold for what I actually want to pursue.  So every move I make right now does not involve not going to MJ next month.

I am considering a Leave of Absence (LOA) from Concordia, and hopefully that would put me in the clear as a not-enrolled-in-another-school student.  I asked the MJ admin people if an LOA would solve the problem, and the response was,

“I can’t give you an answer to that.”

So, they don’t know anything, until the manager returns. *frustration*

I can apply for an LOA as late as early-mid September, so I at least have that time cushion, should I have to take that route.  My only worry is that Concordia would reject my request for an LOA, because they have become quite strict with this condition, as they’re afraid students will just end up dropping out (no way in hell do I not want to finish my MA Film Studies degree!!)  We will see.

Honestly, all I can be at this point is thankful that I do have viable options; thankful that my advisor is completely awesome and is so supportive with my decision (he even offered to keep working with me on my thesis, even if I were on an LOA!); thankful that God has given me the insight to know that my life is in His hands, and all I need to do is do my best to follow and obey.

So no, you do not have reason to be concerned for me, because I am comfortable with the idea that whatever happens will be divine intervention.  All I really need is your positivity and prayer that the MJ program will find a way for me to register this September, and that I will be content with whatever happens.
Note: If anyone reading this is in touch my parents, please do not mention this to them.  They have no clue, and I’d prefer to keep it that way (they don’t have Facebook or Twitter, nor do they read my blog).

1. I’m completing my MA Film Studies very soon.  This means handing in my thesis.  I need a lot of prayer and discipline for this.  Right now, I should be working, but I’m blogging because I have so much on my mind.

2. I’m leaving my beloved Montreal in about 2 weeks.  It’s like a break-up and I’m heartbroken.

3. Leaving the city means packing up & moving.  I have so much stress about this.  Getting rid of furniture, packing up my shit, poly-filling up the holes I made in my apartment, etc.  I’m moving into a new condo in downtown Toronto with my sister (thanks, generous & loving parents!) so it’s not like “moving home”, you know?  It’s essentially like moving into an apartment with a roommate.  I have been roommate-less for almost 5 years.  This brings me a lot of anxiety.

4. I’m starting a brand new program at a brand new school in about 3 weeks.  I feel really unprepared.  I also feel like I’m going to be the student with the shittiest potential, and the old lady coming in who already has an MA.  Why do I have such little faith in my God-given ability?

5. I’m starting to notice, in myself, that I am terrible at management: time & money. I need a lot of help in this regard. Life coach, anyone?

6. Should I get a therapist? Just someone to talk to.

7. I really want to start exercising again (it’s been 1+ month since I’ve worked out), but I’m scared to start running since my experience with shin splints.  The Running Room doesn’t carry shoes that fit my tiny feet, so no help there. Boo.  I know that exercising and running aren’t necessarily related, but in my mind, that’s the only way I know how to get cardio (fuck spinning).

8. I’ve been researching churches in Toronto that I’d like to check out.  So far, I’m interested in Grace Toronto, Rock Community Church, and Free Church (their website is down).  My parents would like me to try their Korean megachurch, but I’m not super driven to go there.  I need guidance.

9. In the same vein, I am freaked out of my mind about how to tell my previous home church in Toronto that I will not be returning.  So many people expect me back.  I’m scared that they think I am abandoning them.  I can’t go back there, knowing that my spiritual fulfillment is low there, despite the amazing community I have built and the serving obligations/opportunities.  My parents showed me through their courage in leaving that church, that one’s relationship with God is more important than our earthly relationships.  How do I tell them?  I’ve never done this before.

10. I miss blogging.

The real reason I haven’t been blogging since the new year is because when I moved into my new place, I decided not to get home Internet service because: a) I have a 1GB data plan on my smartphone that covers my immediate e-mail/social networking needs b) I knew that I was moving out in less than 12 months, and didn’t want to pay cancellation fees c) I have unlimited WIFI service on campus.

So, that just translated into me not always having access to WordPress when inspiration struck.  I know they have an iPhone app, but it has mediocre ratings, and I don’t like cluttering up my phone with mediocre apps.

Also, I’ve been incredibly busy with finishing up my thesis, so….that’s happening.  Let’s not get into it right now (read: STRESS!!)

But the real reason I’ve decided to pause my thesis-ing and update my blog is because I was browsing one of my favourite sites, SmartCanucks, and came across this entry.  I had never heard of Rick Genest, a.k.a. Zombie Boy, before, but it intrigued me because he’s from Montreal and I love seeing a unique, local homie receive recognition for just being himself.

But then, I looked at the entry title again and it bothered me so much. “Zombie Boy: Art or Just Plain Creepy?” (emphasis added)?!  Not only is it rude to suggest that someone’s body art is creepy, but to even ask if he is one or the other is just SO small-minded and essentializing.  It’s like asking “Homosexuals: Flamboyant Queens or Just Plain Godforsaken Humans?”  OK – that’s an extreme example. But what I’m trying to illustrate is that you can’t pinpoint an aspect of a human’s identity as just being ONE thing out of TWO choices, and we all know that homosexuality is not “either/or” of any of the stereotypes that abound about living a homosexual lifestyle – humans have a multitude of traits (whether it be regarding personality, physical, cultural, etc.) that cannot be reduced to extreme ends of a spectrum.

No doubt that Genest has taken on “Zombie Boy” as a large part of his identity, and to reductively suggest that his body art/identity is artistic or “just plain creepy” just seems so wrong to me, and it spawns such negative or flaccid responses.   Responses such as: “Icky!” or “He probably did it to get noticed.” or “What will he do when he has children?” or “He’s going to regret it when he’s older.” or “What does his mom think of this?”

WHAT THE FUCK?!  Does anybody see the problem of assumption in these responses, and the lack of self-awareness and self-indictment?

1. First of all, “icky” is just an immature response, lacking any veritable clarity of thought to back it up and make a valid opinion.
2. Don’t we ALL do things to get noticed? We put on makeup, get our hair styled, put on nice outfits, wear perfume, paint our nails, wash our cars, blog, change our phone ring tones, etc.  The list doesn’t end.  So who in the world has the right to accuse someone of doing something to get noticed, as if it’s “WRONG”?
3. Why are we assuming that he doesn’t have children?  Also, why are we assuming that he plans on having children?  Why are we assuming that he is fertile and not sterile?  Why are we assuming that children are frightened by nature?  Fear (of difference) is taught, remember?
4. It’s so rude to think that people who commit to getting tattooed are not cognizant of the fact that tattoos, for the most part (and especially at this extent and grandiose-ness), ARE PERMANENT.  Of COURSE it’s going to be there when we are lucky enough to grow old.  When people commit to a partner, do they know how their partner is going to look when they get old and wrinkly, and assume that they’re going to regret their commitment because they just don’t look “good” anymore (again, extreme example, but just trying to illustrate!)? On another level of analyzing that comment: do people’s love and passion for art and desire for self-expression really die off when they age?  Why even commit to full body art if it’s not a true passion?
5. Finally, what does it matter to us what Genest’s mother thinks of his art? Again: does he know/have a relationship with his mother? Is his mother alive?  The user’s comment/question assumes (via implication) that his mother disapproves.  What kind of mother abandons their love for their child just because of an image decision?

So in response to the post, I submitted this comment:

The question that’s being asked by the blogger is all wrong.

I think it’s incredibly diminutive to consider one’s self-expression as “just plain creepy” (said in a fairly derogatory manner); even to ask it is questionable as it immediately attaches a label. It’s fair to consider a horror film that is intended to evoke fear and the heebie-jeebies as creepy, and perhaps Zombie Boy’s intention is to disarm and surprise people (his Facebook page does not have any detailed info or an “about” page, so I can’t say for sure), but to say he is one or the other is so essentializing.

I understand the desire to evoke discussion and debate. It’s an important way to spark public discourse. However, it shouldn’t be initiated in such a manner that is so black and white, especially when considering the matter of human expression.

Despite it being there for a couple of hours and many others’ comments (similar to the ones I sampled above) being approved after I had submitted mine, my comment is still “awaiting moderation.”

Not surprised.

UPDATE: My comment is no longer awaiting moderation.  It has been duly moderated and deemed unsuitable for the site – it has been deleted.

For more info on Rick Genest/Zombie Boy, check out his Facebook page.  Also, check him out in Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way” video or keep an eye out for the recent Thierry Mugler ad campaign starring Genest.

Click to enlarge!

I won’t be wearing this dress anytime during the holidays, as it’s currently stashed in storage as I move apartments, but it’ll make a reappearance soon.  Holla.

Today, under the “Music” section was an a capella cover of Rihanna’s “Only Girl”, and I LOVE boys that can sing a capella and look good while doing it. It’s unbelievably sexy.

I’m talking about Mike Tompkins, a music producer from London, Ontario. He’s super talented not only at beat boxing and singing, but being able to identify and interpret elements of a song and perform them with his vocals and mouth. It doesn’t hurt that he’s incredibly gorgeous. Too bad he’s married! Well, even Scarjo couldn’t keep Ryan Reynolds around, so I think it’s fair to say that I can keep hoping.

I really love his dorky dancing the most.

I’m not offended by people using my photos, I think I should just be able to claim them as my images…?

I never thought that my blog would yield any sort of high traffic, so I guess that’s why I never even thought about it previously.

Not really in the mood to sit down and read the magazine, I just flipped through it to see what kind of editorials they had.  And then something caught my eye that made me ask myself, “Who is this gorgeous girl?”

It was precisely this photo that kind of took my breath away:

It’s not very often that you see an Asian model in mainstream magazines.  And I understand that the genetic propensity of Asians is that we are short, so I get that there are less working Asian models out there.  What makes me so impressed with this girl is that, usually, when an Asian model is featured in an editorial, she’s often exploited for her “harsh” facial features and “exotic” look (they often have bowl cuts or a very strong bang, etc.)

But this girl….wow.  She deserves this 8-page spread.

The entire editorial is her striking fierce poses in hot dresses and flying tresses.  I am just in love with her.  Her proportions are great and she isn’t dead in the face or look angry (a.k.a. trying to be fierce).

I really think she could rival some of the top models out there.

If anyone can tell me who she is, I’d love to know!  I want to see what else she’s done.

EDIT: Silly me.  In all the excitement of seeing and then immediately scanning the editorial pages, I neglected to look at the fine print, where it has all the info of everyone involved in the shoot (duh).  The model’s name is Shiya Zhao from Sutherland Models.  Check out her online portfolio here!

Here’s the rest of the editorial.  Click to enlarge!