22 going on old & lonely

I called my mom today to tell her that I had received the package she had sent me. Usually our phone conversations are short because I just don’t have a lot of news to tell her – my life is pretty simple: go to school, go to church, go to church/school related events, occasionally go to the hospital for my hand therapy.  Any time in between is spent studying, taking care of personal errands, and watching a lot of films.

Our conversation went like this:

“Hi Umma, I got the mail, safe and sound.”

“Oh OK, that’s good.”

“Thanks for sending it.”

“Did you eat dinner?”

“Just about to…”

“Any good news to tell me?”

[At this point, I know what she’s trying to get at.  I know she’ll beat around the bush a little bit, but without a doubt, she’s going to ask me about boys.]

“What type of good news?”

“You know…good grades, new friends…”

“Uh…”

“…new friends like, maybe a boyfriend?”

If my face could be expressed in an emoticon, it was looking something like this:   -__-;;

To put it into context, the last time I saw her was less than a month ago.  Between then and now, I know she’s restrained herself in not asking me about guys, because she was trying to respect the fact that it was a new semester.  But when I was at home for the holidays, any opportune moment she had, it was a nag fest of the virtues of having a boyfriend during chilly winters, companionship for a girl living on her own away from home, etc.  I find it kinda cute, humourous, but serious rolling of the eyes on my part during these one-sided convos.

I have a theory; I could be wrong though – I may be underestimating my mother’s desire for me to just be happy and less lonely.  However, there’s a pattern amongst the women in my immediate family, and that is finding one’s partner in life/lover/soulmate at the tender age of 19.

My sister and her boyfriend of 6 years have been together since the first year of their undergraduate studies.  I may be jumping the gun in saying this, but it’s been implied that they plan on marrying one another.  My mom and dad started dating at 19 as well – 7 years of tumultuous dating finally resulted in their marriage.  According to my mom, my dad was her first and only boyfriend.  Fun fact: My father will not admit to anything regarding number of girlfriends, hehe!

So my theory is that because I am 22 and single, this spells doom for my mother.  Not only am I single now, but I have been for the past 5-ish years.  I like being independent and not having to think about my partner’s needs.  For example, right now, if I want Thai food, I will go get Thai food.  If I was with my hypothetical boyfriend, I’d have to ask him what he wanted to eat, and then perhaps compromise if he didn’t feel like Thai.  Stupid things like that…I like not having to deal with that.

Wow, I sound cold.  I swear I’m not…I’ve just gotten too used to being by myself!!

I have to admit though…when my mom starts nagging me about guys, it’s not that I don’t like it because I find it annoying…part of me doesn’t like it because I am somewhat embarrassed that I don’t have a male companion to show off to my family.  Not in a sense that I feel incomplete or inadequate for their love and approval, but because I personally would love to not be single.  Sure I just explained above that I like my independence, but ever since I moved to Montreal, I’ve discovered the true meaning of loneliness.

Now don’t get all sympathetic: I don’t regret moving here and I know I am extremely privileged to be in this position.  However sometimes I wish I had someone I could call up without having to worry whether I was bothering them, and just ask him to take me out wherever.  I do love companionship (but we all need our space, no?)

I planned on this entry to be short and anecdotal, and it ended up being kind of meandering and explanatory.  For lack of any sort of conclusion to these thoughts, I’ll just end with saying that I hope you all aren’t too bored.

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7 thoughts on “22 going on old & lonely

  1. Does she hint at a requirement for them to be asian? haha.
    Also, you just need a boyfriend that always wants Thai.
    Your mom is pretty opposite to Maria’s mom. She didn’t want Maria dating until after McGill.

    • omg yes! it used to be a requirement that they have to be korean, but a lot of fighting and me calling her racist resulted in her not ever mentioning race again. my sister’s bf is chinese, so i think my parents secretly wish that i would be the 1 daughter with a korean husband, but it’s not up to them. it’s not up to me either, since i believe in a god who is omnipotent.

      my mom is pretty different from other strict mothers (who happen to be asian), in that she’s always allowed my sister and i to date from a young age. however, she never liked it. but now that i’m in grad school, she’s pushing for some grandchildren. so really, my mom and maria’s mom are not so different at all.

  2. For example, right now, if I want Thai food, I will go get Thai food. If I was with my hypothetical boyfriend, I’d have to ask him what he wanted to eat, and then perhaps compromise if he didn’t feel like Thai.

    If you find a boyfriend that knows you, if you say you really want Thai then he’ll go along with it, but if you just want food, then he’ll suggest something. And even if you had a boyfriend and he didn’t want Thai when you really wanted it, I’m sure you’d be like, “Okay, I’m going to get Thai.”

    I think I’ve beaten this small point to death. Relationships are awesome.

    • i think you may have missed my point. it’s not about the food, it’s about having to even discuss what i want to eat. i don’t even like doing that with my friends. but thank you for that patronizing explanation.

      • It wasn’t meant to be patronizing, but if you took it that way… What I meant was that if you end up in a relationship, you don’t have to lose your independence. Those people that depend on their significant other either enjoy that fact or don’t have a backbone.

    • Or you could be like me and my boyfriend, and be like “I want Thai food” boyfriend says “I don’t.”

      I stop and think for a moment, and I say “…I want Thai food” boyfriend says “…okay” Hahaha.

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