things

I have a lot on my mind these days.  These are those things.

1. I’m completing my MA Film Studies very soon.  This means handing in my thesis.  I need a lot of prayer and discipline for this.  Right now, I should be working, but I’m blogging because I have so much on my mind.

2. I’m leaving my beloved Montreal in about 2 weeks.  It’s like a break-up and I’m heartbroken.

3. Leaving the city means packing up & moving.  I have so much stress about this.  Getting rid of furniture, packing up my shit, poly-filling up the holes I made in my apartment, etc.  I’m moving into a new condo in downtown Toronto with my sister (thanks, generous & loving parents!) so it’s not like “moving home”, you know?  It’s essentially like moving into an apartment with a roommate.  I have been roommate-less for almost 5 years.  This brings me a lot of anxiety.

4. I’m starting a brand new program at a brand new school in about 3 weeks.  I feel really unprepared.  I also feel like I’m going to be the student with the shittiest potential, and the old lady coming in who already has an MA.  Why do I have such little faith in my God-given ability?

5. I’m starting to notice, in myself, that I am terrible at management: time & money. I need a lot of help in this regard. Life coach, anyone?

6. Should I get a therapist? Just someone to talk to.

7. I really want to start exercising again (it’s been 1+ month since I’ve worked out), but I’m scared to start running since my experience with shin splints.  The Running Room doesn’t carry shoes that fit my tiny feet, so no help there. Boo.  I know that exercising and running aren’t necessarily related, but in my mind, that’s the only way I know how to get cardio (fuck spinning).

8. I’ve been researching churches in Toronto that I’d like to check out.  So far, I’m interested in Grace Toronto, Rock Community Church, and Free Church (their website is down).  My parents would like me to try their Korean megachurch, but I’m not super driven to go there.  I need guidance.

9. In the same vein, I am freaked out of my mind about how to tell my previous home church in Toronto that I will not be returning.  So many people expect me back.  I’m scared that they think I am abandoning them.  I can’t go back there, knowing that my spiritual fulfillment is low there, despite the amazing community I have built and the serving obligations/opportunities.  My parents showed me through their courage in leaving that church, that one’s relationship with God is more important than our earthly relationships.  How do I tell them?  I’ve never done this before.

10. I miss blogging.

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4 thoughts on “things

  1. wooww.. you seem to be having a few anxieties about moving to a new place and starting a complete new life..all i can tell you is change is scary and hard at times, but its also exciting and a new place is like an adventure.. so be happy and excited about your new upcoming life.. 🙂

    • Thanks for the positivity! I realised in retrospect that I sound like a total downer in this post, which is not necessarily my personality. I guess worries just come across that way.

      I am excited about the new condo and the new program! I guess I’m just not so jazzed about moving back to TO, because I’ve lived there most of my life, and I find the city to be rather dull (after living in Montreal, everything seems dull!)

  2. Welcome back to Toronto! I’m back too after quite a long time away and I think you’ll settle in just fine. I have! And I was WAY more anxious than you. Everything will work out. 🙂

    • Thanks! I’m glad that you’ve returned in settled in well. I need to remind myself that I’m just expecting the worst even though the result is always a lot less painful!

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